We throw away all that is broken because..we throw away everything..we consume and throw it away instantly.
We don't have a strong foundation of how to support the relationship well, with balance freedom and acceptance.
This advice is for those of you who:
I don’t want to get divorced/break up
I want a strong intimate relationship, and realize I am in a relationship with a decent human being.
I realize that some of you may be so blinded with your own life struggles and stress..
For those of you who WANT to have a great intimate relationship with your partner.
I am here to tell you that you can love your spouse/partner again, this is for those of you who know you want to make your relationship work, but you don’t know how.
The first step towards creating a loving, happy, safe, secure relationship is accepting this fact. You both contribute to making it a good healthy loving relationship, it is equal responsibility to keep it loving, safe and secure. It's ongoing and growing, moving forward with healthy loving intentions to support each other.
A few things to consider and put into action, in order to fall back in love with your spouse/partner/love relationships.
Have the courage to step up and make the choice to commit to working on your relationships. Admitting your bad behaviors, negative impact, and selfish ways of being in a relationship, and bad communiciation.
Stop living in limbo land, stop blaming your spouse, stop being a coward.
Basic understanding of oneself.. whatever issues You have in this current relationship, you will carry to another.
Life will bring you the same circumstances until you learn your lesson.
Happiness, love and great relationships are not accidental or random.
They are intentional choices that we all make.
This may be why the second failed relationship rate is 67% and third failed relationship rate is 73%.
Ask yourself this “if I cannot make it work with someone I share so much with (history, children, extended family and friends), what makes me think that I can make it work with someone else?
Love is a verb, it is a choice.
Love is not all those hormones and feelings you have when you first meet someone.
I promise you that there is no greater act of love than being completely open and vulnerable and talking about the elephant in the relationships..
Sharing your vulnerability with one another, being open, sharing your insecurities openly, sharing what is working first, then sharings what is not working.
Working your way back into someone's heart space. With honesty, this can be difficult.. The truth is always your best way forward in relationships.. Even if it hurts to hear the truth about yourself
Very few people are capable of that type of love. And if you commit to becoming this person who fights for love when all seems lost, you will discover the meaning of life.
“To love someone isn’t just a strong feeling. It is a commitment, a non judgment, and a promise to work together to work things out.. You have got each other's back...”
Love yourself. People don’t realize that it is impossible to love another human being if you do not love yourself. The way we treat other human beings, the perceptions, judgments and assumptions we make, the way we talk about people is a direct reflection of how we view ourselves. You are not a mind reader, nor do you know other people's true intentions.
YOU only know what your intentions are, and what goes on in YOUR mind.
So remember that next time you make assumptions, judgments, these are just your perception of someone, you are projecting.
When you are loving, compassionate and forgiving towards yourself, you will be this way towards others. When you have good intentions, you assume others have good intentions too.
When you try to live up to the world’s impossible expectations, you will hold others to that standard as well.
Be imperfect, be vulnerable, be yourself, be honest and you will find that you can easily empathize and forgive others.
“A man who loves himself takes the first step towards real love.” Osho
Stop making it all about you. If you are suffering, you are focused solely on yourself. So stop being a selfish idiot. It's not working in a relationship.
It is time to step outside of yourself, and the stressed out consumed world, and realize that you are not a victim of it. You, and only you, are responsible for how you think, feel and behave. Your power to make change will come as soon as you take responsibility for yourself.
When we hit our lowest point as a couple.
You're feeling unhappy, and feeling lonely and out of touch with the relationship.
When did you last say I love you, or send ❤️ ️ emoji…
Affirmations work. Telling your loved one that you care, love and appreciate them is key to surviving the hard parts of being in a struggling relationship. Everyone needs some assurance that you still care and love them even though you're having a hard time curenlty in the reltionship. It creates a bond that is key to being able to share vulnerability and honesty with one another.
For those of you who don’t believe they work. I bet you affirm your dislike for your spouse/partner every single day….and you have gotten exactly what you affirm…negativity
Rewrite your story. You can change your past by thinking differently about it. In fact, it is the only way to change anything in life. Learn from your struggles. Learn from your challenges and take responsibility for your part in the relationship failing.
Life does pull us in different directions, and stress is a killer in all relationships….
It is never one person’s fault when a relationship fails.
So stop thinking you did everything right, and stop playing the helpless victim.
This means asking yourself things like:
-How did I contribute to this problem?
-What could I have done differently?
-Did I make assumptions that were wrong?
-Did I give my spouse the benefit of the doubt?
-Did I consider what challenges my spouse was going through?
-Was I treating my spouse how I wanted to be treated?
Taking responsibility for your role in your past, my story was rewritten.
I was able to powerfully respond to making the changes in my life, that I need to be a better partner, and own my part in the failing relationship.
“We spend our life seduced by the outside world, convinced that happiness and suffering come from ‘out there.’ Yet happiness and suffering come from the way we perceive and interpret things, not the things themselves.” Robina Cortin
Change your thinking. If you have an unhappy relationship and you spend a lot of time thinking about all the things you don’t like about your partner and the relationship.
Focus on the things You loved about your partner because there were many.
What made you fall in love with your partner in the first place?
The more you focus on your partner's wonderful traits, the more you can start to appreciate and fall back in love with your significant loved one.
What you focus on grows.
“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Wayne Dyer
Decide who you want to be as a couple. Using counseling for a few months can be very helpful and help start the healing.
Usually there is a need to clear the things in the past that hurt you both.
The past, Is not the focus of the healing, don't linger in the past for too many sessions.
Realize that the only way to move forward is to move forward, with the present.
You know what your issues are, You have already discussed them countless times.
-Write down the 5 things that don't work in the relationship, and bring those into the counseling session.
Take the story out, only use the facts,
Example:
Facts: Your a bad communicator
Resolution: I need you to text or call me to tell me what is going on, please
This gives both parties the opportunity to find a better solution to the issues together. Only talk about how to get the results you want.. And don't talk about the story.. It's not important in the big picture of healing the relationship.
Clear the air and then make a commitment to let go of the past.
Talk about what you both want as a couple and create the relationship that you both want, using acceptance and compromise as your guides.
Set yourself up for living in the present, and building a different future together.
Prioritize the relationship. Go on dates. Flirting with each other throughout the day with cute emojis and sexting each other, tell your partner you love them and send something cute you appreciate about them. Laughter is so important. Hold hands.
Take care of yourself so you feel good about yourself.
Have separate independant interests, and those that you share together this creates bonding..
-Make time every night to check in with each other, hold each other's hands, look into each other's eyes and simply ask “how was your day?”
-You don't need to do anything, just listen, and support, don't try to fix anything, just be caring. If it's a bad day, say “I'm sorry that must have been hard for you.”
Sex is the first thing to leave the relationship and the last one to be brought back into the new relationship.
-This is because trust has been broken, resentments have been formed and that all needs to be cleared, forgiven, let go of, to be able to move on..
Then have sex. Lots of sex.
Come talk to me Ashley @Somatics-Embodied Counseling & Hypnotherapy RTT®
Working with Trauma, Depression, Anxiety, Intimacy & Relationship. Call:(415) 634-7481
Email: somaticsembodied@gmail.com
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